Raspberries Become Distressing Trend Among Senior Citizens

   Few know the technical terminology for the common putdown that is prevalent among adolescents. A Raspberry is made when an individual protrudes their tongue between their lips, applies slight pressure, and forces air over their tongue and out of the individuals oral cavity. This action causes a sound that resembles flatulence.

The profound sound that so many adolescence have found irresistible to use when their teachers bend over to pick something up in class or when the fat kid is about to kick the kick ball in gym class,  emerged in the late 1800's when the first prototypes for toothpaste were beginning to be developed. The first toothpastes were made of a very bitter leaf that left the user with a tacky texture on their tongue. The only way to remove the unpleasant texture was to make what is now known as "the Raspberry". Young children quickly recognized the resemblance of the oral remedy to the sound a person's anus makes when "gas is passed". 

However, today the Raspberry isn't only for young people. The elderly  have discovered the infinite possibilities for the famous putdown. Sarah Mirchgardener, a nurse at Sunset Assisted Living, the local Nashville assisted living home for the elderly whose "sun's are about to set", said,"The Raspberry thang is gettin' outta hand. I don't know why these old geezers can't keep their tounges in their mouths."

Obviously, the Raspberry phenomenon is one that isn't going away anytime soon. But what can you do to make sure that you aren't caught off guard by stray spit from some elderly person's tongue? Sherriff McGee of Davidson county offered this advice, "Really the only thing you can do is keep your head on a swivel, or try and take as many of the old people out on the interstate that you can. The less old people there are, the less Raspberries there are, which will make our cities streets safe once more. You know, all that spit can get really slippery."

-Garrett Dickerson