CHICAGO, Il.: In the era dominated by online services, banks in general are finding it hard to stay ahead of the curve. Not so fast for Chicago banker Danny Malone who recently unveiled a new quirk to his bank's management: online money laundering.
"Why should people extorting money illegally have to take their cash out of state or - even worse - out of the country and overseas?" Malone asks. "Last time I checked America was called the 'Land of the Free, the Home of the Brave'. I just don't see how we can call ourselves that when there are people out there stealing innocent peoples' money and losing sleep at night worrying about where they can store it without the authorites finding out."
The service has seen wild activity for various bank members in the downtown Chicago area. Ray Ray Stevens, a small business narcotics dealer on the corner of 18th and Broad, checks his money laundering accounts from his lap top hourly.
"Online money laundering is as easy as it is efficient," he says, tapping away at his keyboard. "Used to, if I killed a bookie on 14th, I'd have to distribute the money I stole through various runners I have around town. With online money laundering, I can kill the bookie and use his computer to make a deposit - all in the same place! Tell anybody about this and I'll f------ kill you."
Other banks have caught on to the new craze and have begun similar efforts of their own - but what makes Malone's bank so appealing?
"The entire service is free," Malone says. "Other banks usually charge 10% of your earnings or a weekly crack allowance - here at Malone & Stein's Bank all of our laundering is free of charge and fully accessible online."
Malone & Stein's has even unveiled a Junior Money Laundering service for teenagers.
"I love it," said an anonymous teen. "I stole my grandmother's social security check this morning and bought the new Grand Theft Auto within the hour."
-Clay Himes
Joe Palease
12 years ago
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