Frankfort, Kentucky:
Using a tip from a disgruntled Chili’s patron, federal agents have discovered a waitress bunker buried nearly 100 feet below the ground in Frankfort, KY. This bunker, which is believed to have been dug shortly after the invention of the waitress, can be accessed from any restaurant in the country by an intricate tunnel system. Waitresses have been using this bunker as a respite from belligerent customers who demand such extravagances as a refill of coffee or an extra straw.
The “vanishing waitress” phenomenon has been sweeping the country for decades. In 1978 President Jimmy Carter formed a task force called “Operation ‘Check, Please’” to address the problem. Efforts to infiltrate the waitress cabal were constantly thwarted by sympathetic restaurant managers who promised that missing waitresses were not in an underground bunker but were simply “not feeling well” or “they had to go pick up their kid at day care.”
But a breakthrough came Monday when Bill Pogue, a Chili’s regular who prefers a side of barbeque sauce with his quesadillas, noticed his waitress jump into a hole behind the swinging door that leads into the kitchen. “After I asked for another lemon wedge for my tea, my waitress hurried to the kitchen. I noticed the kitchen door fly open and my waitress fall. I thought she was hurt, so I ran over there and discovered a human-sized hole in the ground.”
Federal agents released this statement: “After years of investigation, we have finally solved the vanishing waitress riddle. These delinquent servers have been hold up in an underground cave 100 feet below Frankfort, KY. In the bunker we found “to-go” boxes, extra Ranch dressing and three waitresses who, when asked to come with us, simply said, 'We’ll be with you in a second.' Pitiful. Just pitiful.”
--James Hayes
Using a tip from a disgruntled Chili’s patron, federal agents have discovered a waitress bunker buried nearly 100 feet below the ground in Frankfort, KY. This bunker, which is believed to have been dug shortly after the invention of the waitress, can be accessed from any restaurant in the country by an intricate tunnel system. Waitresses have been using this bunker as a respite from belligerent customers who demand such extravagances as a refill of coffee or an extra straw.
The “vanishing waitress” phenomenon has been sweeping the country for decades. In 1978 President Jimmy Carter formed a task force called “Operation ‘Check, Please’” to address the problem. Efforts to infiltrate the waitress cabal were constantly thwarted by sympathetic restaurant managers who promised that missing waitresses were not in an underground bunker but were simply “not feeling well” or “they had to go pick up their kid at day care.”
But a breakthrough came Monday when Bill Pogue, a Chili’s regular who prefers a side of barbeque sauce with his quesadillas, noticed his waitress jump into a hole behind the swinging door that leads into the kitchen. “After I asked for another lemon wedge for my tea, my waitress hurried to the kitchen. I noticed the kitchen door fly open and my waitress fall. I thought she was hurt, so I ran over there and discovered a human-sized hole in the ground.”
Federal agents released this statement: “After years of investigation, we have finally solved the vanishing waitress riddle. These delinquent servers have been hold up in an underground cave 100 feet below Frankfort, KY. In the bunker we found “to-go” boxes, extra Ranch dressing and three waitresses who, when asked to come with us, simply said, 'We’ll be with you in a second.' Pitiful. Just pitiful.”
--James Hayes
1 comment:
awesome james awesome
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