GAINESVILLE, Fl.: Florida quarterback Tim Tebow, former Heisman winner and current candidate, has made a name for himself on and off the field as a leader. Many point to Tebow's impassioned speech following the Ole Miss loss as the inspiration that got the Gators over the top.
"I promise you that no one will work as hard as I will, as this team will," Tebow said. "Nothing - not ego, not un-preparedness, and especially not foreskin - will keep us from winning another game."
Immediately following the conference, Tebow performed routine circumcisions on his entire starting offensive line in an effort to revamp the team's rushing attack.
"I'd say technique had a lot to do with our offense's lack of production," said head coach Urban Meyer. "But foreskin had a lot to do with that as well."
Since performing the procedure ordained by the Lord for millennia, Florida's Tebow-led offense has rolled over opposing defenses, averaging over 35 points more than the opposition.
"The results speak for themselves," Tebow said. "Now, I can just wait for those Heisman votes to come in and spend my time getting ready for the National Championship."
Tebow was spotted Friday afternoon nervously circumcising Polynesian kids outside the Heisman presentation ceremony in New York.
-Clay Himes
